Only Girl in the World

I feel like the...

Only Girl in the World.

As it has been a while and frankly the past few weeks need some forgetting (validation and self-esteem issues, on the other hand, I got boom boom!) ... some form of transient normality has been imposed in place. I have started work at the Council which opened doors for me. Very unpredictable doors, something I have not really imagined.

Hot Receptionist Guy - remember him? Well... as I started my first day on Valentine's Day, it was a great surprise to find him strolling along admin to get the post. I mean, he's still working there so "YEEEEEESSSS" I felt my heart shout. There was the shy eye fucking again... but obviously I tried to look like I mean business and no-fucking-around-at-Trading Standards look. That really made my day.

I looked for reasons to hang around at the end of the day. He was at reception with this other receptionist, and I asked about creating a pass for me when he kindly took up the offer. I went into a room where I became in the closest vicinity I have ever been to him. In the process of making me an ID he had to find out my real name.. which is fucking MARIA. And it was also weird to have him also take my photo in a different room shouting out when to smile. or that I blinked. Whatever. It was good nonetheless. And weird that for the first time, we actually talked a bit.

Tuesday came. I was hanging out in my spying area.. making it look like I was there by accident but I am just looking for another random encounter. You know, drinking water, looking out of the window kinda thing. He called "hey, Maria" and as I turned around to say "Don't call me that, call me Kim" he was gone. The injustice stewed inside me, but realised hey, he actually noticed me. We got chatting before I left the building, as we talked about air conditioning he mentioned in passing that he is moving to Perth (Australia). I joked that he will fruit pick as a working visa thing, but he also mentioned that he is a qualified painter and decorator which might get points in the points system. Told him about landing myself in Eastbourne after the chance of Cambodia was snatched away from me. His name is Dave. Time to go.

Next day, he poked me as he came to get the post (advantageously coincidentally I was next to a post tray! yesss!). Unfortunately, he was not there for me to say goodbye to. Thursday was a novelty; he came into the office after hours. He didn't expect me to be there. Well I had work to finish and I'd like to finish as late as I can: 1)because of work, and 2)I know he locks up. Win win. He asked me if I work permanently, as he said I was only coming and going before. I said blah blah blah. He asked what I am doing, told him of how scared I am with the project and the responsibilities, and my frustrations with Renouard. He walked me towards reception. I left with a smile on my face again.

Today, Friday, was kinda epic. For one, he was dressed casually today. I mean... white polo shirt showing off his chest, despite how cold it is in the building. He smells nice, I got a nice preview of his chest... aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! My fucking God! It's like I have sex tourettes when he's tempting me like that. I just need to get his white shirt wet then he is my ultimate Mark Darcy with a chav accent (I shall elaborate later). I asked what time he's shutting down, he said he'll come and get me which he did. I ranted about my insecurities with my work, and how those businesses are not going to bother. He said he knows the dude who runs Bexhill Motors over the weekends. I had in mind a boozy days boozy nights weekend thing, which he said no, he sees him at the gym... and he promised he'll talk to Bexhill Motors dude for me.

We talked again as I warm up to go outside. He said I am going to be cold wearing a skirt. Needless to say, I am glad that he noticed the hemline of my skirt. We talked about Eastbourne's finest night life - basically chavs and rough people. We bonded over not liking clubbing anymore and being too old for it. And I ended the night with "age is an illusion". Dramatic exit, eh?

As I have noticed myself willing to work until late, despite a really mentally messy bus ride to Brighton for nearly two hours, I was willing to do so because it really makes me smile. So much. It has been a while since someone particularly seeks my attention. I am sure I am probably reading too much into it, but he has been uber obliging. Never rushing me, despite being the person he needs to kick out, lending a sympathetic ear whenever I rant about work, he's that friendly face that I like talking to. Bugger all we have in common, or maybe obviously time will tell, but he's a comfort and a good distraction at the same time. He goes into the office at my most vulnerable time, where I break down with the doubts of my work, and he's just there staring at me hoping things go OK. It's also because he's the only one apart from Sonia who I really talk to, or who would bother to talk to me. That's kinda nice. It's been a while since someone's paid me any attention. And it's about time we got interacting, to think that all contact we had was passing over my pass with a very subtle smile craving for our fingertips to touch.

I need to make more effort to get to know him. Because all I can hear from him is "you you you you" and I have not really asked him anything much in comparison. All I know is that he wants to move to Perth (and is), he is a qualified painter and decorator (yes - my name is Kim and I am attracted to Bob the Builder) and has a chav/cockney whatever accent. This was so unforeseen, it makes me laugh and kinda bizarre that I have not been put out with that discovery. He melts my heart. Literally. It's like "living a teenage dream" quoting Katy Perry.

As of course the natural course of things will take over. Well, he has not asked me out but I think I want to. But should I? Right now, I am happy and giddy - I have something to look forward to everyday.. knowing that I will smile as I end my day. The selfish side of me just wants to carry on the way it is - why have relationships when crushes are much much better! He makes me smile and I feel really happy with this weird feeling of contentment with something very little. Maybe in the track way of things, it's going to take six months for him to ask me out - since it took us a year to actually talk. I don't know, the feeling is great as it is. I don't want anymore. I don't want to initiate things anymore. I am happy with him coming to see me in the early evening, where I have less than 10 minutes to enjoy his company before I go home, where it's just me and him and no one else (and no flirty girls in the office).

I feel like I am the...

Only Girl in the World